The backseat of a volkswagon?

Technically, this came before the previous FDL, but due to the tsunami, never aired. I have decided that its number will be mu.

Impressions:

Aaah, here we are. Unlike the other special, this one has plot. Which means that Natsuru is even denser than before. And they spent a good five minutes sitting around and talking about story elements that were so wafer thin already that I barely have any clue what they are anymore. They may as well have said that the Moderators were aliens and I wouldn’t have noticed it. Anyway, after the uncomfortable transition period of "oh, we’re still going to school with Sakura" was over, it was mostly about Mikoto being insecure about Natsuru, so she went off to practice kissing with Akane. After spreading her legs for Akane in the bath, I’m fairly sure that this is just a pretense. Then she got herself ‘hypnotized’ by Kuguy-Penguin into trying to screw Natsuru too (again… totally just a pretense) before the Ode to Joy kicked in and Kampfer went all Kampfer as usual.

Okay, so the fight at the end was pretty cool and I do still really like Sakura as the crazed bisexual sexual predator. I don’t think it was quite as fun as the previous future FDL episode though, just because it wasn’t quite as out of control. Still much better than the majority of the series itself though, not that the bar was set particularly high there, but they got a little lost at the start trying to add sense and logic. Natsuru was also pushing the bounds of even his stupidity by gushing over how beautiful and awesome Sakura is while everybody else was talking about how she was trying to kill them. There’s a limit even for his denseness.

At least, good god I hope there is.

…But it’s ineffective against aggressive bisexuals and enclosed spaces.

Impressions:

Well, if you were looking for a continuation of the ‘plot,’ tough beans. This was pretty much just a fanservice episode about Akane and Natsuru working as whores hostesses because Natsuru needs to buy a bra. Not just any bra. A milky bra. Some day I’ll understand what the hell ‘milky’ means in Japan, but that day is not today. It was amusing enough, but at least some of that was because of how over-the-top some of it was. Did Natsuru and Akane really need to scream in climax together? And then have pudding fall on their faces? And then lick it off in a post orgasmic haze?

Actually, probably yes.

So, it was more of the same as usual. I would have expected something like this on the DVDs hoShizuku torturing Natsuru by stroking his/her thighs with her stockings, Akane screamed to be taken like a beast, and Sakura was off in another room entirely with her own harem. Natsuru’s glowing moment of brilliance was deciding to transform after jumping naked into a locker with Akane. Good work, dude. Now your nipples are grinding against hers. …All according to plan…? Maybe Natsuru really is much smarter than he looks. I’m not sure if Akane’s following transformation so that she had something long and hard to stick into Natsuru’s crotch was an improvement or not.

Actually, probably yes.

And if you’re waiting for a broadcast without the earthquake message, the next one’s on Sun TV on the 11th, so it’ll be a little while.

Creeeeeeeeepy.

Impressions:

This really was a pretty terrible episode across the board. I was already resigned to it being nothing but nonsensical filler and was pretty sure that the irritating animals would be assaulting us with their squeaky voices, but the whole thing turned out to be a lot more irritating than I was expecting. There were a few decent moments here and there, like the animals awakening to their inner masochists at the end, but aside from that, it was neither bizarre enough to be amusing nor was it interesting enough to… well… not suck.  Just a pretty crappy fanservicey bodyswap episode all around because they apparently had a hole in their schedule. I think I’d be more forgiving if they had tucked this away as a DVD extra.

I don’t even want to think about MILF Natsuru and creepy-mustached Natsuru having a child together either. That’s well beyond the bounds of what my brain can handle. I think it’s even creepier than the amusement park themed around ways to die. That’s the kind of crap the Joker comes up with.

Final thoughts at the bottom.

Final Thoughts:

Kampfer never really lived up to its potential. The first couple episodes were all about the premise, and it was a mindless but solid one; girls fight things. That, plus decent animation, a protagonist with at least a small pair of balls, and great music made things promising. And then all of that except the music totally vanished and we got a lesbian romantic comedy instead until the end, where somehow the corniness took over the quasi-serious scene and managed to keep the comedy going. It made an okay comedy, and I don’t regret watching it at all, but thinking about on the show, all that I can think about is how much better it could have been if it had kept up what it did right in the first few episodes. Hell, if Natsuru had just retained what little testicular fortitude he had in those episodes, things would have been a lot better.

In the end, it really just ended up being pretty brainless, although more comedy than action. That’s okay. There’s certainly nothing wrong with that, but it’s the kind of thing that’s more fun to talk about and make fun of together than actually watch. I like to think of this show as the perfect target for a good MST3K viewing, the problem is that I remain unsure for the most part as to how much of that is intentional. I’ll give them the ending, but that still leaves a significant chunk of the other 9 episodes or so where my money is on the writers being drunk, not good.

Anyway, not a horrible way to spend Thursdays between classes for me, and really, that’s all that matters in the end. If there’s a sequel, I’ll probably watch it, but I’m not going to be crying any tears when this show vanishes from the face of the Earth forever either.

Ode to joy!

Impressions:

What? It’s over? That’s not an ending! But it’s okay, because I was laughing my ass off through the last five minutes of the show. Even now, it’s kind of hard to type because I’m still giggling like a school girl when I try to think about various things. Hell, I can barely even remember rolling my eyes when they went through almost every single transformation sequence in turn.

First the big moment for Natsuru’s testicles to finally drop, then the good guys transformed into their battle-damage versions while all the animals sang to the tune of the ode to joy. And the show ended on all the girls kissing Natsuru and then forcing his hand into their nether regions. Butt, bust, and beyond. It was possibly the most surreal thing I’ve seen in months, and that’s counting Kiddy Girl’s rather brief trysts with reality. And that’s without SPACE KAMPFERS! I was really certain that that whole bit was a joke, but then the punchline never came. The only joke really, were the white Kampfers. Man, were they pathetic. Four of them… one-shot by the three good guys. That’s awful. At least Evil-Sakura cleaned house after that, even if she couldn’t get Shizuku without the cheapshot by Natsuru.

So, it wasn’t much of an ending. Nothing was really resolved, and all the Whites (plus Sakura) ran off to fight another day. I think they’re just keeping the door open for a sequel. They sort of threw together some half-baked "Natsuru’s better as a girl" motivation for Evil-Sakura, but I don’t buy it for a moment. Still, this was kind of a surprise. Next week’s "finale" is marked as an "Extra Episode" and looks like it’s going off into true filler zone. I’ve given up trying to understand how this show goes. I’ll reserve my final impressions for next week.

Preview:

Time to cosplay… more.

Shizuku likes being "his thing."

Impressions:

Mind control is pretty much certain now, although I’m certainly not ruling out the possibility that Natsuru’s just a moron and somebody decided to finally take advantage of that. It remains to be seen whether Sakura’s a pawn, the mastermind, a pawn pretending to be the mastermind, or maybe the mastermind pretending to be a pawn pretending to… you know what, that’s entirely too complex for this show. Aliens did it. Or maybe the Spaniards that they kidnapped for the Salsa background music this episode.

It’s a little worrying to me that we’re now two episodes from the end and absolutely nothing feels like it’s wrapping up at all. Nomad’s been having trouble with the whole "ending" thing for the past couple years. We lack any kind of menacing antagonist, and what little plot there is doesn’t feel like it’s working towards any kind of conclusion, especially when they take time out from Sakura’s brainwashing for comic relief between Akane and Mikoto. Or Sakura and Akane dividing up ownership of Natsuru’s breasts. Maybe they’ll spring a surprise second set of 12 episodes where they bother to have a plot… or antagonists that do something other than run away or act as pimps.

The mind control theory for Sakura was a lot stronger this episode. Her mode of speech changed a bit, as well as Natsuru’s being hypnotized after the ear licking and forgetting what happened, although it’s a bit hard to tell exactly what the hell Sakura’s goal is here. Maybe she’s trying to cause a rift between the blues and reds by brainwashing Natsuru into dry humping Shizuku. Lord knows that Akane and Mikoto are not the most stable of lesbians. Joke’s on her anyway, Natsuru has no testicles in either form. It’s also not like Shizuku wasn’t asking for it… and more than a little bizarre that her kiss would break the brainwashing in the middle of the attempted mounting and make him think of Sakura again. But anyway, the Whites know that the two Natsurus are the same, so if Sakura was Sakura, pushing Natsuru onto Shizuku is not a good way to get… uh… Natsuru.

And finally, the desperate lesbian award of the episode goes to Akane, who was willing to have an indirect kiss with Natsuru through Shizuku. Beause, you know… kissing Shizuku who kissed Natsuru is the same as kissing Natsuru. A clear demonstration of the lesbian transitive property.

Preview:

Showdown with ‘Sakura.’

Oh good, some depth to the evil whore finally.

Impressions:

The first half of this episode was more or less just the usual fanservicey waste of time, but things actually really started to get moving in the second half, even though it’s a little difficult to tell where exactly they’re going. Sakura seems to be masterminding the White Kampfer attacks, but at the same time, there appears to be at least some degree of brain eating going on with Natsuru. I am, however, not ruling out bad writing as another possible suspect. I don’t think Natsuru would have been so KOed by Shizuku literally jamming her tongue down his throat as to be completely unaware of the significance of Sakura leading him out to be together with him and then getting rather friendly with him. Plus, the whole dead-eyes in the preview. At the same time, it’s also more than a little suspicious for the rest of the gang to let Sakura just walk out with their plaything.

The white Kampfers finally showed up en masse this week, but they immediately ran off as soon as it became an even fight, which doesn’t really bode well for them since the good guys still have four people in their team. Hopefully the next time somebody uses the ol’ "Shoot a fireball at a ceiling as a distraction," Shizuku will have learned to ignore it. She’s been beaten by it twice now. At least Akane has her terrible aim as an excuse, and Natsuru his abject lack of testosterone. She needs to stop staring at the ceiling… and leading with her tongue when she kisses for that matter.

Preview:

 Fireworks, mindrape, and regular rape.

Thickest man alive.

Impressions:

This was the worst kind of episode. Nothing good enough to comment on and nothing bad enough to mock. The whole thing was just boring from start to finish. Shizuku tells Natsuru to go out on a date with her, and then spends the entire time forcing him to do ‘datey’ things with her while he thinks about other women or tries to ask her about the White Kampfers. If he had resisted more or she had just knocked him over and had her way with him in the name of making it a date, then that would have at least added a little more humor to the situation. Then, as the coup d’grace of the whole affair, once Shizuku does start talking about something actually interesting, he falls asleep, so I’m sure we’ll get to hear it again at some point. Thrilling. The best kind of exposition… the kind that you know is going to be repeated because the main character himself slept through it.

At least next week I’ll be able to comment on the swimsuit fashion sense (or lack thereof). There look like there may even be some new lesbian molesters kampfers too.

Preview:

Date with Akane (and everybody else) at the pool.

Qu’est-ce que c’est?

Ugh. WordPress ate my post. Now I’m annoyed.

Impressions:

Another mostly plotless fanservice episode especially full of crazy Sakura and as much pornographic music as Nomad could scare up. One has to wonder what exactly Sakura’s grip on reality is. There are multiple stuffed animals wandering around her house, leaving puddles of juice and curry everywhere, and the entire thing is full of mutilated animals… and she grew up in a room full of them. That’s not normal. That’s what a serial killer’s home looks like. Her inability to comprehend personal space almost seems like the best possible outcome given that she surrounds herself with visions of murder and death.

Shizuku gets some credit for going for the win. You clearly can’t trust Akane to calmly eat the pocky packy, so may as well just push her down and have your way with her. I’m pretty sure if Shizuku had drawn Natsuru though, the beginning would be Shizuku immediately deepthroating the chocolate to get to the real candy. She also appears to be the focus of next week’s episode too, so maybe we’ll get a break from Sakura finally. That can only improve matters. The new White Kampfer was pretty lame and certainly not helped by the distinct lack of animation for her scene. She just popped up, yelled her name, and then ran off again. Great surprise attack. Now they know who you are. Mission accomplished.

Preview:

"EAT THE DAMN SAUSAGE, NATSURU."

Maybe just naked ones.

Impressions:

This school festival is never going to end, is it? Anyway, mostly a pretty fun episode, although the reveal of Mikoto as the new kampfer was a little needlessly drawn out. I was hoping there’d be a second one as well so that they weren’t just spending time on something revealed in the OP of episode 1. As always, the music was probably the highlight of this episode. Whatever other sins Nomad may be guilty of, bad soundtracks aren’t one of them. They really do have an almost uncanny grasp of how to integrate a lot of different styles at once.

The rest of the episode… eh. The second recycling of them turning the plot of the show into a story was painful at best, and Shizuku was an instigator at always. Mikoto seems content to push Natsuru towards Sakura while simultaneously wandering around his house in nothing but an apron, so… you know… a few conflicting signals there. It was also a little annoying towards the end to have them finally bring up Shizuku’s decision to not fight the Blue Kampfers, only to immediately distract Natsuru by pointing out that he abandoned Sakura. Maybe next week she’ll run out of ideas and just have to jangle some keys in order to distract him from the plot.

Natsuru dreams of finally getting his big kiss with Sakura, only for his dream to morph into tonsil hockey with Shizuku instead. Mikoto barges into his room with curry for breakfast wearing nothing but an apron.

Well, she didn’t have anything else to wear, so Natsuru hands her his shirt (I like where this is going). She immediately drops her apron (still like where it’s going) and then they cut to the two walking together to school… not cool, Nomad.

Annnnnyway. Akane lurks nearby and finally runs over to find out who the strange girl is.

After introductions, Mikoto scores a pair of critical hits by mentioning that they’re childhood friends and she brought him breakfast this morning. Akane retreats in shame. Mikoto then wants to know what the deal is with this female Natsuru person. Natsuru’s not saying, which makes her suspicious, but after she asks if he still likes Sakura, she quiets down. Natsuru’s bracelet starts reacting when she touches him though, so he also flees the scene.

He transforms and is then immediately ambushed by his lesbian pimps. The school festival’s not over yet, and they’re running a maid cafe, so into the particularly skimpy maid outfit he goes. He’s accosted by his guy friend, but his pimps spike the coffe with ex-lax. He then has a very special customer that he needs to attend to.

Shizuku demands personal treatment, but she actually wants to talk to him about a new Kampfer awakening. She’s not sure if it’s an ally or enemy yet though. They’re interrupted by Sakura showing up, and Shizuku goes into instigator mode.

She tells Sakura that Natsuru would be a great magical girl, with an animal companion… maybe… oh… I don’t know… those suicide animals for example. Sakura agrees and the tale eventually makes its way to a special service kiss from Natsuru. He can’t do it though, so Sakura settles for a date instead.

After a montage of them enjoying the festival, along with a mysterious white haired stalker following, the two go into a haunted ‘house’ thing. Natsuru’s attacked by random junk, but Sakura doesn’t notice at all.

Natsuru keeps dodging until he catches a glimpse of a red Kampfer bracelet and leaves Sakura to chase after them. The girl leaps out a window and Natsuru follows her outside where she attacks him, yelling all the while about how "Girl-Natsuru’s" getting in the way of "Boy-Natsuru" with Sakura.

Natsuru thinks that he knows who it is, but just stammers until she corners him. Luckily, Akane leaps to his aid, and then drops him from a tree to get a better grip on her pistol. Good choice, Akane. They attack each other a couple times, but Natsuru tosses a fireball between them and yells at Mikoto to stop. She’s stunned that Natsuru knows her name, and Shizuku follows up on it by wrapping the girl in chains. She tells them all to release their transformations.

Akane powers down, and starts looking for her ‘missing’ glasses, and Natsuru somehow manages to power down, but remains in his maid dress. The sight’s too much for Mikoto.

Later, they all get together with their stuffed animals and explain the situation. Mikoto’s now convinced that Natsuru has awakened as a pervert. That does remind Natsuru that Shizuku doesn’t want to fight them despite technically being an enemy, but she distracts him by pointing out that Sakura’s been looking for him. He rushes off and finds her on the roof. She says that she’s feeling super whorey today. Or something like that. 

Preview:

Natsuru really does begin cross dressing, and Shizuku and Akane play makeout games at Sakura’s house. Hot.

Like you expected anything different from this episode.

Impressions:

A pure fanservice episode through and through with a dumb play that dragged on for entirely too long. The most important thing is that Motoko’s finally back in the city and picked up her animal at the end of the episode. Maybe now we can get away from the school’s abnormally large lesbian sexual predator population and back to the arsonists. It does explain quite a bit about this setting that there are entire contigents of boys that dress up as girls and then attempt to rush en masse into the girl’s side. And that the girls use high explosives to keep themselves safe. All of a sudden, a little gunfire in the library barely seems like it’s anything at all.

As for the rest, whatever. Everybody did the same things that they normally do, only under the thin guise of a story about the Dead Animal Kingdom. Natsuru almost gained some man points by being in something vaguely masculine, but then he was upstaged by Shizuku… and his clothes were sabotaged so that they’d fall apart anyway. And then Shizuku shoved her tongue down Natsuru’s throat, complete with spit trail afterward. Well, she did win at least. To the victory go the spoiled goods. The preview for next week was a lot more interesting than most of the rest, featurin not only Matoko transformed, but Natsuru fighting someone as well as male Natsuru getting a chance at Sakura.

Preview:

Motoko, hanged dogs, and male Natsuru finally gets a chance.