天下制覇

Thank you and good night.

I don’t even have any idea what was going on anymore. It was almost a boringly mundane poker game at that. There were multiple hands. And sure, there was a vision of her mother standing on a wall before Rio won with a royal straight, but compared to space robot sharks, that’s weak. Then she became the super ultimate gambler, which lets her use the power of gambling to fight people as well as causing an explosion of good luck all over the world? Including bringing peace to the Middle East? And the evil clown was actually a cop? What? And so this micro-blogging experiment comes to an end. It was… uh… interesting. I’m not sure there will ever be another show this inane again. That’s probably a good thing.

This would be one of those times where I suspect this little blogging experiment completely fails; an episode where bloody nothing happens, unless you count Rina using her super gambling aura to scare off a random bear that’s menacing Mint. Is there anything that gamblers can’t do? Unfortunately, that just consists of about a minute of her staring at it until it fades from view. I still wouldn’t think that setting up ping pong tables up in an area filled with knee deep water would be a good idea though. Then again, a few broken necks could probably do nothing but help my disposition concerning this show.

I’m not even sure I understand this game. It’s Concentration, but the cards are shuffled between each pick? That’s not Concentration anymore. That’s not even up to the intellectual standards of Old Maid. To make matters worse, the Chinese apparently kidnapped the kid’s bear and turned it into… more Chinese? And try to cheat by using ancient Chinese magicks on a computer? Frankly, I miss the space sharks. They weren’t vaguely racist. Weren’t they supposed to be collecting cards or seducing Rio’s lesbian half-sister out of her clown mask or something? No, not even the slow and uncertain week due to delays motivates me to invest the time and effort required to discover the answer.

Honestly, this stopped being amusing just after the ‘gambling battle’ that involved space robot sharks. They aren’t even bothering to think up anything sufficiently new or insane enough for it to even be fun to laugh at the show anymore. After space sharks, magical polygon sharks don’t cut it. Not that I have any real idea what’s going on anyway since outside of the mage, half the rest of the episode seemed to involve Rio throwing a game of blackjack to her half sister, who is now dressing like some kind of evil elf evil clown. The ears really sell the crazy.

I learned only after the fact through the grapevine that apparently Rio’s lesbian cuddlebunny is also her half-sister or something. Because what this show really needed was random pseudo-incestuous overtones. That will surely improve things. Oh, Xebec. Why are you so… Xebec.

Don’t ask me. The episode started out with Rio’s lesbian friend splayed on a poker table, moved to people playing what appeared to be Galaga complete with 8-bit Atari graphics, went into a flashback about somebody mother dying, and then ended with… that. I think I got the gist of the episode. Galaga kills. What kind of world do we live in when somebody could occasionally lose at 5 card stud? What’s more, lose so badly that apparently it knocks her out. And no, I don’t give a damn about OreImo’s extra episode crap. I flipped through it out of curiosity, saw it was at least 85% recycled footage with the occasional slightly different line, ceased caring. It was bad enough sitting through that drivel once. I’ll not do it again.

I don’t think this show was ever good enough to make the phrase "Jumping the Shark" even vaguely appropriate, but assuming that there existed a shark so ravaged by disease that it was begging for a jetboat to explode midway over the ramp to put the whole thing out of its misery, I think it’s now safe to say that completely abandoning the gambling angle to throw in a holodeck controlled by a headless robot is the moment when everything went up in flames. Because one’s ability to dress up like a squirrel, glide, and shoot targets while doing so is indicative of… I don’t even know. How do you even develop that skillset? The mind boggles.

I don’t know. I don’t want to know. My sanity probably depends on it. Wasn’t this show supposed to be about lesbian robots gambling or something? Where does a freaking casino resort even get the cash for nonsense like this? At least they didn’t take the Dr. Who route and have an immortal pet sky shark flopping around. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a midterm to take.

Man. This show isn’t even fun in a bad way when it’s not going into bizarre otherworlds, and I’m still just flipping through to look for anything that looks insane. I’m not sure that waterslide races even count as gambling either. Unfortunately, this week, that just mean headless robots. I’m not even sure how a robot on a holodeck is part of a gambling show anyway. Can’t they at least have real holographic evil Abe Lincoln or Moriarty be the masterminds instead of some random little boy? Le sigh. Real holographic evil Abe Lincoln is always the best terrible villain.